Pastor Brian's Testimony
Hello and thank you for visiting our website. My testimony is rather long so this will be a brief summation of it. Well, that is my intention anyways.
I grew up in a split home my mom was a Christian but my father was not. He was a hard-working, tough guy who loved us but had a very negative attitude towards God. Unfortunately, I followed after my dad and his warped beliefs about God and not my mom's. I believed that God was real but that He was against us not for us. I wanted nothing to do with Jesus or church.
As a teenager, I was very rebellious against my parents, well everything really. I dropped out of high school and got into drugs, drinking, sex all of it. Stole my parent's car many times. Just a lot of bad choices. I was fortunate that I never went to jail or got in trouble with the law. Thank you, Jesus!
At 17 I got a girl pregnant and we made the choice to put him up for adoption, the only good choice I made in those days. God once again was faithful and used that to show me that I was a loser and needed to make major changes. So I got my GED, quit drinking, quit drugs and went to Tech school, and got the 1st of my 2 degrees.
In my mid-twenties both my parents got sick and died approximately two and a half years apart. I was devastated I was finally getting my life on track and being a better son and I lost them. Needless to say, it did not help my bad feelings and my poor attitude towards God.
Losing my parents started me on a long journey of clinical depression, daily suicide attempts, and or an obsession with wanting to die. Dying consumed my every thought. After several years of depression, I meet my beautiful angel Tiffany who would eventually become my wife. Having her in my life was amazing but I was still dealing with the depression, well, and now so was she. I hid the depression from everyone except Tiffany. I remember one of my daily conversations with God, yes I talked to Him every day even when I didn't believe in Jesus. It was never a good conversation it was me being mad and saying why do you hate me so much, why will you not let me die? Well on this occasion to my shock and amazement, He answered me. He said, "I love you too much to let you die because you aren't going to heaven, you are going to hell". I of course blew it off as nothing at that time and had no idea it was actually God speaking to me. See I believed in the idea that if you were a good enough person you would go to heaven and you didn't need any of that "Jesus nonsense". I had determined that I was good enough but God's measuring stick is a much tougher standard than mine and His said I wasn't even close to good enough. God knew I wasn't and He needed to keep me alive so He could convince me I was completely wrong about my assessment of how God's plan works.
So fast forward to 2009. Me and my family had moved to Idaho the year before and were having a hard time financially. I had started driving long-haul trucking and was gone for months at a time, which did not at all help my depression. It was March around Tiffany and my anniversary and I was home for the 1st time in 3 months. We were not married at this time but had been living together for 9 years. Again I was a lost sinner who didn't know any better. Tiffany had started attending a small SBC (Southern Baptist Church) church while I was on the road. So I asked Tiffany if her preacher would marry us. So she called him and asked and he said yes come on over. So we got married on his back porch on what we considered our anniversary. March 25th. Well like any good Southern Baptist pastor would do he shared about Jesus and church and many things that day. The one line that he said just at the end was "Well son you don't want to flunk church". Well, the Holy Spirit used that line to get me to attend church with Tiffany and eventually Sunday school. It took a couple of months but I was going every Sunday. I stopped driving long haul and on August 16th, 2009 I gave my life to Jesus in front of the church and the next week I was baptized. The moment I gave my life to Jesus that very second he was so merciful and poured out His grace in me. To me, a man who had hated Him and rebelled against Him for 40 years and He removed the depression from me completely. There are a few things like memory issues that still linger but what an awesome God we serve. I am so grateful to God that He loved me so much that He kept me alive for 13 years, well 40 years, that He allowed me to go through the depression and saved a wretch like me. I was so stubborn and so lost that He had to go to extreme measures to get me to see Him for who He really is. A God of love, mercy, and grace. Who sent His only Son to die for me because of my many sins. Oh, how I love you, Jesus! Thank you amazing Lord of all, Jesus Christ.
If you haven't given your life to Jesus if you are reading this and saying it couldn't happen for me or that God doesn't love me. I am here to tell you He loves you more than you could ever know and He is waiting to heal you to love you to save you from your sins. My sins were many and He forgave all of them and He can do the same for you. But you have to make the first move. Ask Him to forgive you and He will. Ask Him to come into your life as your Lord and Savior and He will. Jesus is real and He died for you. The least you can do is live for Him and trust Him.